Wondering what one could write in a
feminist blog on the global phenomenon, Valentine’s day, I am somehow reminded
of Gabriel Garcia-Marquez’s “Love in the time of cholera.” Could one, for
instance write something about love in the time of inequality? As soon as these
words are written, I realise that this has been done practically throughout
history.
I am asking myself whether modern-day girls
still indulge in the romantic novellas which informed my and my generations’
ideas about romance and love between two people.
This genre was the blue print of romance
between a woman and a man. The plot typically was about the feverish passion that
a somewhat plain – but nevertheless beautiful in that girl-next door kind of
way , twenty-something girl – feels towards the fiercely good looking, dark,
broody, ruthless and wealthy/ influential in some way, male hero. Either the
tall dark and handsome hero of the story has a particularly sinister streak,
is/ was a ruthless womaniser or has a character trait that his love interest,
the girl-next-door, recognises and is at the same time attracted to and
repelled by. In some way, she believes that, because she loves him so, she
would be able to change our hero, usually by making some sacrifice. Before she
could do that though, our young heroine has to contend with and vanquish a
possessive if much more beautiful rival. Our heroine usually was vindicated
because the love rival’s selfish greed and evil ways were eventually brought to
light in the shine of the heroine’s purity and selflessness. The stories
usually ended with our hero and heroine passionately falling into each other’s
embrace and we just knew that this will end up in a steamy night between the
sheets.
Would these stories still hold sway over girls
in Namibia? Amid the all the stories of abuse, violence, control and outright
misogyny that one witness in relationships today, it would seem that many girls
went through a similar romance schooling that I had. It would seem that girls
and women still prefer the attention of that handsome, somewhat ominous male
presence. The one who has to be changed – because we love him so.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where
unless the heroine wants to keep and change her man, as well as fends off other
love contenders, “sacrifices” must be made to prove her worthiness. The
ultimate sacrifice in this case is that she will have unprotected sex with her
hero. After all, she must demonstrate to her lover that she “trusts” him – irrespective
of his reputation. Of course, the moment that a pregnancy or worse, an HIV
infection, comes to light, our hero makes a run for it, leaving our heroine alone
and in trouble. So much for changing the hero! He simply moves to his next
conquest. Beware the girl who has the audacity to first break off with our
hero. In Namibia, men believe that because they have “invested” in a woman,
that woman has to loyally stick to her man, regardless of how she may be treated.
The girl who breaks off a relationship
with a man here, must know what is coming. Our newspapers are full of these
stories.
Boys similarly seem to have gone through this
school of romance. Sometime last year, I had the opportunity to attend a
function at UNAM where a frustrated young man lamented the fact that a man
needs money to keep all his various lover girls in tow. This particular young
man went as far as stating that – least he wants to appear wimpy in the eyes of
his fellow men - a man may be forced to cheat and steal to keep all his various
women in hair, nails and clothes, therefore (momentarily) happy (read loyal.)
This attests for that ominous streak of the hero in the romance novella – I
suppose.
Can there be no other romance stories in
our country. For instance ones that promote ideas of equality and mutual
respect? Or what about stories of a woman loving another woman, or a man in
love with? Is this at all conceivable?
When we receive our obligatory red rose or
box of chocolate this Valentine’s day, let us contemplate all the many types of
romantic interests that may exist in our land and consider the many
possibilities for new stories of love and romance.
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